Part 2544 – Doubts. So Many Doubts.


Not now. Later.





Lae teh rae. In another time.

She’ll come to me later and tell me to hrrash ka kae with her. And I’ll have to let her do it to me. She’ll be angry if I tell her no again. But I really don’t want to say yes.

Isellta studied the ceiling. It will hurt. It always hurts. It always makes me feel…ugly and wrong.

And broken.

But I will say yes. I will hrrash ka kae with her. Because I have to. If I want her to tell me when Robin arrives, I need to hrrash ka kae with her. I need to make her happy. I need to do it right. It doesn’t really matter if it makes me happy or not. As long as she tells me when Robin arrives…As long as she lets me run to him and touch him…

That’s all I want. I want to see him again. I just want to see him. And I want him to see me.

I want…

He scanned the ceiling, searching for any patterns or straight lines in its texture.

I want.

In his imagination, Robin knelt beside him on the bed. He touched Isellta with loving and seductive caresses.

Isellta rolled over on his side and brought his knees up. Is that what I want? Maybe it was before, but now? After everything Her Majesty has done to me…? What will he do to me? If I can’t do it with him…If I can’t make him happy…He laid his hand on the side of his face. Will he slap me? Will he be like Her Majesty? Will he slap me again and again? Will he hurt me? Will he reject me? Will he push me away and yell at me? And what if he finds out that I surrendered myself to Her Majesty?

He’ll be disgusted with me. He won’t want to touch me. And, honestly? I can’t blame him. Isellta held his hands in front of his face and flared out his fingers. Why would he want to touch something so filthy?

Maybe he already knows. Somehow.

Maybe that’s why he isn’t here.


Eschia made sure that the corset was properly lined up and that the attached skirt was all in order. Nothing was bunched up in back. The corset sat in the correct position under Preyuna’s bust.

She happily flapped her wings as she laced up the sides of the corset.

“I am surprised you chose this dress for me.” Preyuna said. “It’s not very flashy. Not a single crystal or the smallest stripe of lace.”

Eschia flapped her wings faster. “I know. But you look so beautiful in it. The colors go so well with the crimson and silver of your hair. And it looks amazing with your skin tone.”

Preyuna smiled. “You have no idea how good it is to hear that. It’s been such a long time since anyone has told me that I am beautiful and genuinely meant it.”

Eschia side-glanced at Isellta. Much to her disapproval, he wasn’t even looking at Preyuna. He was lying on his side, facing away from her. What is WRONG with him? How could he bear to look away from her? She is so perfect. So lovely. If she weren’t a queen, she’d be a goddess. No question about it. Just simple facts and truth. If Isellta can’t see or appreciate her beauty…She shook her head. He must be blind and he has my pity.

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