Part 2506 – Imagination’s Cruelty

Isellta couldn’t help shuddering as Preyuna hugged him in return. Images flashed in his mind: pillow on the dresser, clothes on the floor. Feelings played out in his imagination: Unwanted wetness, shame, betrayal, filthiness. So much filthiness.

Vulnerable.

Trapped.

Helpless.

He hid his face against her shoulder-line. But, in his imagination, he felt her fist slam into his shoulder again and again. So angry. So hard. So hateful.

Isellta bit his lower lip to keep himself from screaming and/or just plain crying out.

His imagination played the cruelest trick on him.

Isellta blanched as he felt the memory of her hand close around his rrhoa koa. He felt her hand squeeze. It was a struggle to keep hugging her. His arm muscles trembled with the need to shove her away.

But he held on to her.

“It’s okay.” His soft voice wobbled. “It’s okay.”

***

Is it okay? Is it really okay? Preyuna sighed and relaxed in his arms. How did we reach this point? Where did things go wrong? When did he become so afraid of me? What could I have done differently?

But is it really my fault? Doesn’t he share some of the blame, if not most of it? What if he had tried harder to please me? What if he had tried to show that he felt anything for me beyond base fear? What if he hadn’t frustrated me to such a high degree?

What if he had loved me…even a little?

What if I tell him that Robin is here?

Isellta stroked her back. “It’s okay. Shh. It’s okay.”

Preyuna practically melted under the gentleness of his touch. I want him. He is not Nayla. He will never in a million years be Nayla. He can’t even be Ilstheena. But I want Isellta to be mine. For as long as I’m trapped here, Isellta will be mine. I will not share him or surrender him to that low-born Robin.

“It’s okay, Your Majesty. It’s okay.”

“Yes.” She tightened her grip on him. “It is.”

****

But she hasn’t been completely cruel to me. Isellta kept stroking her back. There have been…some good moments? I’m sure of it. Some small moments where she wasn’t making demands of me and pushing me and yelling at me and hitting me…and hurting me. Like…like…He sniffled. Like when she gave me that bath. She showed me so much care. And she does care about me. She wants to protect me. She wants to keep me safe from Mark Caten.

His imagination ruthlessly brought up the memory of the hurt expression on Jay’s face when he first encountered Preyuna’s barrier. Jay stubbornly walking through the barrier’s power. Jay’s body slamming into the wall and lying so still.

Isellta’s wings flattened against his back. Jay. My dear Jay, I’m so sorry. I don’t know if you’ll ever forgive me for making this choice. I don’t know if you should forgive me? Because no matter how much I want to be with you again, I want my Robin more. Oh, Jay. I want him. I want to see my Robin again.

So, I can handle this. I can deal with this…all of this. If I can just see my Robin again, it would be so worth everything I’ve gone through here. Robin…

Preyuna’s grip on him softened as she fell asleep.

Isellta mentally projected his thoughts as far as he could. Robin? Can you hear me? Where are you? When will you come to me? I’m here. Still here at Mark Caten’s place. Please come? Please. I’m waiting. Please. Speak to me. I need to hear your voice again. Please? I’m listening. Speak to me, my Robin.

Advertisement

4 thoughts on “Part 2506 – Imagination’s Cruelty”

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s