Part 1575 – Oh, If You Only Knew.

“And he hung up on me again.” Jay set the phone down. “Isn’t that just peachy?”

“What will you do, sir?” Raven asked. “I gather he refused.”

“You gathered right.” He rubbed his face with his hands.

If only Maelin were here.

She’d touch me.

She’d reassure me.

She’d calm me down.

But she isn’t here.

I’m all on my own. So, what should I  do?

Jay uncovered his face. “I guess I need to just call it a night. I want to keep pushing him until he says yes, but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

“Will you be heading back to Mark Caten’s place?”

Jay sighed. “I don’t know. I think I’ll stay in town here. Just in case Robin changes his mind overnight.” He chuckled humorlessly. “Yeah. That doesn’t seem all that likely, does it?”

Raven smiled. “It is not yet dawn, sir. Robin might surprise you.”

“He’s hung up on me three times. I don’t think he’s going to surprise me tonight.” Jay pushed Raven’s phone back at him. “Thanks for your help, though. I appreciate it.”

“Not a problem, sir.”

***

I could run to him.

Forget all my freakin’ fears and doubts and just run to that stupid fey.

To my Isellta.

Robin flopped onto the bed and stared at the ceiling.

“I miss him.”

The sound of his voice.

The touch of his hand.

Just plain knowin’ that he’s just right there. Sittin’ in that rocker, watchin’ over me.

Robin rolled over on his side and bunched his knees up.

But he was with her four freakin’ times.

Did she push him into doin’ it with her? Or was it somethin’ he wanted? Did he look at her and think “Woo! I wanna piece of that action. Right now”?

Did she ask him?

Did he ask her?

Did he like what she did to him?

Robin scoffed.

“He slept with her four times. She musta done somethin’ right.”

Does he love her? Or is it all stupid, sticky lust?

Can he look at me and want me instead of her?

His chest hurt like someone had tried to chisel it open.

Has he slept around with other guys?

What if he has?

Where does that put me? At the bottom of some to do list?

Do I mean anythin’ to him?

Or am I just another name to check off? Is that all I am to him?

Robin traced the line of his scar with his fingertip.

Can I e’en hope to be anythin’ more’n that?

I wanna be more than that.

I wanna be the one he loves.

The only one he loves.

Is that too much to hope for?

Does he still love me?

He curled his arms against his chest.

It hurts so much.

But I can’t.

I can’t run to him.

It hurts so bad.

I’ll see him and just think about him bein’ with her four times.

When’s it gonna stop hurtin’?

I’ll be cold. I’ll be mean. I’ll say stupid junk and push him away.

I know me.

I’ll probably wind up hittin’ him again.

But I don’t wanna hit him or push him away or yell at him.

I don’t.

‘sellta. I just wanna hold you.

It hurts.

It hurts.

‘sellta, I hurt so much.

I just want you.

‘sellta.

***

‘sellta.

Isellta’s heart fluttered.

Robin.

My Robin.

He opened his eyes, but there was nothing to see.

No stars.

No light.

No Robin.

It crushed him.

“Robin. My Robin.”

Where are you?

He frowned.

What’s wrong with me? Robin is here. He is here with me. I can smell his scent. I feel his arms around me.

His hands touching me.

His breath on my skin.

“Robin?”

‘sellta.

Robin’s voice hit Isellta hard, stealing his breath. A deep longing possessed him.

He choked out a breath that devolved into a broken cry.

Robin.

My Robin.

My Robin.

Robin pulled Isellta in closer. “I’m here, Isellta. I’m here.”

Isellta leaned his head back. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I don’t. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Don’t worry about it.” Robin mouthed the side of the fey’s neck.

A dizziness attack overcame him. He felt as if he were inside a kaleidoscope. Just a small bit of glass rising and falling and crashing over and over

His skin felt too warm and his head was filled with jagged, broken lines. None of them looked right. None of them made any sense.

Robin bit his neck.

The kaleidoscope became a roller coaster with too many twists and turns, too many loops, too little sense.

Isellta whimpered. “Robin. Robin. Robin.”

Robin bit harder.

Isellta lost consciousness.

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