Isellta shivered again as Preyuna left the room.
So, Jay was wrong. She didn’t make me sick.
Why would she?
To keep me from Robin. She hates Robin.
No. She wouldn’t go that far. She wants to protect me.
But what if she wants to protect me from Robin?
That doesn’t even make sense.
Robin isn’t a danger.
He loves me.
My Robin loves me.
But what if…what…
He shivered again.
Someone knocked quietly on the door.
“uhh. uhh. uhh. Who is it?”
“It’s me.”
“Jay!” He opened his eyes. “Come in.”
Jay entered the room.
Isellta struggled to sit.
“Don’t push yourself, kid. If you can’t sit up, don’t sit up.”
“But I want to see you.” He finally managed it, but his posture was far from perfect. “I miss you, Jay.”
“I miss you too. Isellta, I’m sorry. This never should have happened.”
“It isn’t your…” Sitting was more of an exertion than he’d expected. Isellta crumpled down to the mattress. Another shivering fit took hold of him. His head hurt. His skin prickled. And he still felt that need to stretch out. “Not your fault.”
“It is. I shouldn’t have left you alone.” Jay came as close as he could. “Isellta. Preyuna said something that got me wondering.” He chuckled half-heartedly. “Yeah, I should know better than to listen to her. Still. Isellta, did you…She said that you’ve been depressed. I can see that. I understand it. You’ve been through a lot of hurt and loss. And you still don’t know how Sunday’s meeting with Robin’s going to go.”
“He’s going to come. Robin’s going to come. He said he would. He loves me. He will come.”
“I know.” He hesitated. “I know this is probably Preyuna-styled nonsense, but you slept outside dressed in your harem outfit.”
A long, long pause.
Isellta opened his eyes. “Jay?”
“Were you trying to make yourself sick?”
Make myself sick.
Make.
Myself.
Sick.
Make.
My.
Self.
Sick.
“I don’t understand. Why would I do that?”
“Because. Because you’ve lost so much. Because, deep down inside of you, you want to die.”
“But I don’t want to die, Jay. I want to be with Robin. I want to see him. It’s been so long. I need to see him. I need to. I need…” He pressed the edges of his palms against his forehead. “I just want to be well again.”
“You poor kid. What can I do? How can I help you? Is there some medicine I can give you to break your fever? Can you take human medicine?”
“I don’t know. I’ve never been sick like this before.”
Jay sighed. “I’ll talk to Preyuna. She should be able to help. She’s fey like you.”
“No. She isn’t like me. She’s better than me. She isn’t…She’s everything a fey sh…should be. I’m not. I’m…I’m nothing. Just a disappointment.”
“That isn’t true. None of that is true. I don’t believe it. Neither does Maelin. Or Robin.”
“But he was so mean to me before. I must have disappointed him. I mus…I…”
“Isellta!”
“He’s going to come. But he’s…He said he’d come. My Robin is going to come.” He rubbed the heels of his hands across his forehead and whined. “My head hurts. I feel so wrong. so tired. just want to sleep. so warm. so…so…I wanna go home.”
“Don’t worry, kid. I’m gonna talk to Preyuna.”
“Jay? Do you think she could ever love me?”
“If she doesn’t love you yet, I don’t know if she ever will.”
“I don’t love her. I can’t even try. I can’t make her happy. She…tired…hurts…”
“Go back to sleep. We can talk some more later.”
“uhh. uhh. okay, Jay.”
ambroseandelsie 