Part 974 – A Laundry List Of Angst

“So, what happens now?” Missy rubbed her eyes again.

Raven sighed. “We haven’t much of a choice. I could enter your mind and search for any remnants of those memories. Or we could go search for Jeff Farsigh.”

“Let’s search for Jeff Farsigh.”

He smiled. “I knew that you would make that choice.” His smile fell. “Missy, I am so sorry.”

She ran her fingers through the longer side of his hair. “Darn it he’s so pretty. It isn’t your fault.”

“It is. I did not trust him. I knew I could not trust him. Yet, I let him return to The Institute alone.  I should not have let him go alone.”

She kissed the ends of his hair. “Well, we could soak ourselves up in misery which is kind of fun given the circumstances but not tonight.  We need to find Jeff Farsigh and hopefully hopefully HOPEFULLY he remembers me and he isn’t some slushed out drunk and drug guy and and and and and I’m so nervous. What if? What if? What if?”

“Missy, I will be with you.” His smile returned. “You have nothing to fear.”

She flung her arms around him again, which made him laugh in surprise. “My pretty shirtless Raven.”

***

Raven looked down at the young woman embracing his chest and he couldn’t help but smile.

Missy is not Miss Farlington. She is not my master’s daughter. I am not her family’s butler.

Yet, she is as bold as Miss Farlington ever was.

And.

I love her for it.

He kissed the top of her head. “I love you, Missy.”

If only I had the courage then…

If only I could have told her just one time…

Just one kiss…

Yet, our lives would have still turned out the same. She was my master’s daughter. I was her family’s butler. There were lines and walls between us. Lines I dared not cross. Walls I dared not destroy.

Even if I had spoken my heart to her, she would have still married Charles Vansing and I would have still been left alone.

Missy looked up at him.

His smile grew. “I love you.”

***

Robin sighed.

Lyin’ here thinkin’ all these thoughts ain’t gonna do me any good. Just gonna turn me into a big neurotic mess.

As if I ain’t there yet.

Darn him.

Darn that stupid fey for gettin’ all tangled up in my life and messin’ me all around so all I want in my life is just him.

I was doin’ good without him. Then, he had to go stumblin’ across the street in those stupid heels.

I ain’t been the same since.

Someone knocked on his door.

“Door ain’t locked and I ain’t naked.”

“Very good, sir.” The door opened and Raven entered the room.

Robin sat up on his bed. “What?”

“Missy and I are going to search for Jeff Farsigh.”

“Good.” Robin got out of bed. “’bout time you got that train started.”

“Train? What?” Raven shook his head. “Never mind. I was wondering, sir, if you wished to come with us.”

“Yeah. I’m about to go nuts over here. I need to get out and smack people around some more.”

“I sincerely doubt there will be any need for such actions.”

“Don’t care.” He walked over to his dresser and took out a random shirt – a navy blue t-shirt with the words Made In Singapore emblazoned across the chest in white, block letters. “I just need to get out of here.”

Raven gave him a questioning look. “What is it, sir? What seems to be the problem?”

Robin pulled his shirt on. “Oh, come on. Like you can’t even guess?”

“Isellta?”

“Bingo! Bingo right on the nose! I’m just…” He flapped his arms in frustrated gesture. “I’m all tangled up. I ain’t sure what’s real, what’s all wishful thinkin’, what’s just me bein’ purely delusional. All I know for sure is I love him. Stupid, fluttery him. And I can’t have him because I’m here and he’s alllll the way over there and DARN IT!”

He stomped his foot on the floor. “I had him here with me, Raven. I had him. He was with me. He wanted to be with me, even if he didn’t get the reasons why. And I had to be the stupid prideful emoin’ idiot that I am. I slapped him. I chased him away.”

His shoulders slumped. “And I ain’t so sure he’ll want to come back. He says he loves me, but…I hit him right across the face. Hard across the face. Can he forgive me for that? Can he e’en want me after that? I ain’t sure he should. Someone like him deserves to be with someone better than me. He’s so soft and sweet and gentle and I’m like a mud pie right to the face.” He sighed. “But you ain’t here to listen to my laundry lists of angst. Give Ambrose a call or leave him a note letting him know where we’re goin’.”

He straightened his shoulders. “And let’s get goin’.”

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