Part 513 – Naughty Elsie Vansing

Hildreth slouched the passenger seat back and sighed. “I want to go home and take a long, skin pruning shower. Get all of those hospital germs off me.”

Elsie smiled at him. “That’s too bad.”

“Huh?”

“I was thinking about stopping at Blim Blam Slim Slam’s. They’re having an all you can eat pancake special today.”

He opened his eyes.

“I saw it in the newspaper. But if you just want to go home…”

Hildreth raised the seat. “All you can eat pancakes. Pancakes with syrup and butter and more syrup.”

“And bacon.”

“And bacon.”

“So, should I take you home?”

He thought about it. “Yes.”

“Really?”

“Yes. I feel like I have layers of germs on me and I’m just gonna shed them all over the nice paying customers who want to enjoy their pancakes and waffles and blintzes and such.”

“And then?”

“Well. Then, they’ll all get sick.”

“Idiot. I meant, after you take your shower, then what?”

He pumped his fist. “We go out and conquer galaxies of pancakes.”

She laughed. “It’s so good to have you back.”

He unbuckled his seatbelt and kissed her. “It’s good to be back.”

***

Elsie sat in his living room, reading the swimsuit edition of Sports Illustrated.

There weren’t a whole lot of words to read, though. She wound up contemplating the various models and wondering about them.

Why did she pose like that?

Was that really the best shot? What were the shots they rejected?

She should have opened her eyes a little wider. Looks like she’s falling asleep.

Why did they choose her? She isn’t all that pretty and her body’s average at best.

How much did they get paid for posing? Did they get paid more for the sluttier shots?

Why does she keep pursing her lips like that?

Hmm, she has a great head of hair.

Then, a very odd thought occurred to her.

Is there really a guy version of this?

Are they expected to make the same faces or poses as the women? Or are they supposed to look more aggressive?

Where would they even sell that? I don’t think I’ve ever seen that in stores. Not that I have looked for it. Of course, I’ve never looked for the women’s edition either. So…

She put the magazine down. He’s been in there a long time. I should check on him.

Elsie walked to the bathroom.

The door was shut.

The water was still running.

His voice echoed incoherently.

She opened the door.

“And she says a shoo shay a shoo shay a hey-eh!”

She smiled and leaned her head against the door. When did this happen? When did I fall so much in love with him? What made it happen? Was it a word? A touch? A kiss? Was it from Hildreth just being Hildreth? Is that all it took?

“That’s what my baby says. She says a shoo shay a shoo shay and a hey-oh. Hey-eh. Hey-oh. She says a shoo shay. A shoo shay Hey-oh!”

Temptation touched her mind.

Elsie laid her hand on the door and pushed it open.

Through the banks and whorls of steam, Elsie saw him.

The shower’s frosted glass door obscured any and all details.

But she could see his silhouette.

Temptation siren-called her name in steam-cloaked words.

She took a step into the room.

She stopped.

Do I really want our first time together to be in a bathtub? It’s better than an alley, for sure, but I can just see the levels of disaster.

We’d slip and fall.

We’d clonk our heads.

He’d smash his head against…

Elsie imagined the worst possible scenario.

…the faucet and crack his skull.

There would be blood everywhere.

He’d be slipping in and out of consciousness.

She turned around and left the room.

No, thank you.

She closed the door a little too loud.

I just got him out of the hospital.

He shut the water off. “Elsie?”

She marched back to the living room and sat like a rigid lump on the couch. Why does he make me feel this way? Why do I want him so much? Why am I so jealous and possessive about him?

Why do I love him?

Hildreth padded into the living room in his bare feet.

His hair was still dripping, but Elsie noticed that he had taken the time to put his clothes on.

“Hey. What are you up to, huh? Sneaking into a guy’s bathroom when he’s showering and then running away. What kind of crazy move is that?”

“I didn’t run. I walked.”

“Well. That makes it worse. It’s like you came in, saw me, and pulled a ‘Oh. Naked Hildreth. Bored now.'”

“I was trying to…Wait. What did you expect me to do?”

“I don’t know. Cat call, at the very least. Say things like ‘Hey, nice bum ya got there.’ or—”

“I get the idea.”

“Or you could have joined me.”

“Ha. Ha. Very funny.”

“I was being serious.”

Her posture relaxed. “I thought about it.”

His mouth opened.

“But I knew what would happen. You’d get hurt and I’d have to haul you to the hospital again and we’d be separated and—”

“Elsie Vansing.” He walked over to her. “You were worried about me.”

“Of course, I was. I didn’t want to—”

He sat beside her. “Naughty Elsie Vansing. Peeping tom Elsie Vansing.” He stroked her face and smiled gently. “My Elsie Vansing. You were worried about me.”

“Only because you have no luck at all.”

Hildreth chuckled. “Elsie.” He kissed her. “I have all the luck I need right here.”