Part 369 – I Want. I Just Want…

Ambrose stepped out onto the tracks and followed them back to the train station.

The cold air nipped his ears like a flirt, causing him to shiver.

I wonder who will find the coat on the train. Will it go into the lost and found? Or will someone just be all “Hey! Nice coat” and walk off with it? I wouldn’t be overly surprised if Isadora takes it. Just so she could have a sample of my scent.

He shuddered at the very idea. The less I think about that the better.

What if I had yielded to her from the very start? Would it have made that much of a difference? Would the change over really have been that painless? I find that hard to believe.

But what if?

Would I have been so disoriented and confused afterward?

“What does it matter? The end result would have been the same. I’d still be a vampire.” But without that painful start, would I have been a different kind of vampire? Would I have better control over my temper and my desires?  Or would I still be me?

Innately selfish me.

Yes. It doesn’t matter  Not now. I am as I am.

But, if it is true, I can help those I change. I can make it easier for them. I can take the pain and fear away from them.

And I will stay with them to guide them through the changes.

I’ll do it to the next person I change.

***

The way back to the station took Ambrose a whole lot longer than he’d expected.

Did I miss something? Am I even going the right way? No. I know I’m going the right way. It’s just taking so long.

I just want to go home.

I want to be home.

I want Barbara.

I want.

I just want.

I just want to feel her arms around me.

I want to hear her say, “I love you.”

I want to smell her sweet scent.

I want.

I just want.

I just want her.

I want her so much.

I want to wake up beside her, with her in my bare arms.

I want.

I just want.

I just want forever with her. If I could. If it wouldn’t hurt her. If…

If.

I can’t.

I won’t.

I never will.

I swear I never will.

He smiled sadly. “So, I’ll accept half-way to forever. As husband and wife. As a vampire and a human. If she’ll accept me.”

I hope she will.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “Part 369 – I Want. I Just Want…”

    1. Thank you!

      It made me super happy to get him back into his normal mental space. The chapters where he was unable to think or talk were challenging to write. Especially since I knew what he normally would say or think in reaction to the things he went through and I so wanted to write them. 😦 But he’s back to normal again. Yay!

      And I really liked writing his “I want” monologue. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s